South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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