I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
