Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
