Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
