butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize