shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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