Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
