He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
