Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
