my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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