My friends, they love my intelligence
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
