I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
