: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
