she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
