swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
