I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
