Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
