So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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