Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize