**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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