i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
