we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
