There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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