it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize