he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
