I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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