not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
