Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
