I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
