I think scott just propositioned me for sex
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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