dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
