I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
