on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
