Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
