This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize