I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
