At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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