mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
