I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
