I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
