overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
