i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
