you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
