it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
