I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
