I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
