I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
