Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
