Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's shark week go big or go home
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
