Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
