Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
