he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
