so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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