Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
