so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
