i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
