Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
