I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
