I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
