It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
