Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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