Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
