the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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