I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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