I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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