did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
