please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize