There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
