I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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