Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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