I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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