If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
