i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize