I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
