Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
