hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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