you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
