Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
