i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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