do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We are all done wearing pants today
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
