theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
