okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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