READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
