My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
