I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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