and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The air taste purple.
Randomize