Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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