4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
