...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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