hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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