Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
