glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
