He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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