he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
