about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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