I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
