A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
