i barfeds in our rink
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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