You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
